On Monday, August 13th, a Roman Catholic Bishop (Bishop Tiny Muskens, pictured left) in the Netherlands proposed that people of all faiths, especially Christians and Jews, refer to God as Allah to foster a better interfaith understanding. In the process he stoked an already heated debate on religious tolerance in a country with one million Muslims.
Bishop Muskens, from the southern diocese of Breda, told Dutch television on Monday that God did not mind what he was named and that in Indonesia, where Muskens spent eight years, priests used the word "Allah" while celebrating Mass.
Hmmmmm, OK, good one, but as usual, I have a slightly better idea.
(What, are you surprised by that? It’s what I do.)
I’d prefer to foster a better cultural understanding by having Christians and Jews, as well as Buddhists, agnostics, atheists, etc., adopt the Muslim habit of simply slaughtering both those who are different and those they disagree with.
As a for instance, say a Muslim complains about “racial profiling,” or some other such nonsense, well, in that case, we simply form a mob, drag him/her out into the middle of a very public place (a crowded park or a busy thoroughfare) and saw off their head in a very public spectacle, as an example to other Muslims not to rile up the local savages.
We could then move onto...oh, I don’t know, say instead of stoning adulterous women (we tend to like adulterous women in the West...we like’m a lot), maybe we'd stone women who wear the hijab to death.
See?
While I’m pretty damn sure that calling God, or Jesus, "Allah" wouldn’t mean shit to your average Muslime, stoning his hijab wearing wife or daughter to death certainly may grab his attention, at least in a kind of “Holy SHIITE, look what these crazy Christian muthafuckas is up to now,” kind of way.
Seriously, the problem with Bishop Muskens’ idea is that it’s timid and weak, besides, it literally wreaks of rancid appeasement.
Mine, on the other hand, says “Hello Muslim son-of-bitch-bastard, and how are you today? I hope you are well and sufficiently fattened Muslim, because today I’m going to slaughter you and feed your lifeless carcass to my hungry dogs.”
Now you tell me, which one fosters better interfaith, inter-cultural understanding?
Well, I know I’m biased in all this, but I truly believe that mine does.
WHY?
HOW?
Easy, see mine actually puts Westerners in the mindset of a rabid Muslim. And what could possibly generate more inter-faith, inter-cultural understanding than that?!
Think about it!
No, really, just think about it...and you’ll see that I’m right about this.
Not only that, but the Muslims, who tend to view kindness as weakness and any kind of appeasement as an even more disgusting form of weakness, would come away from the ordeal I set out with a new found respect/fear of the Westerner.
It’s a God-damned WIN-WIN!!!
Ooooops! Sorry bout the blasphemin’ Bishop.
Bishop Muskens, from the southern diocese of Breda, told Dutch television on Monday that God did not mind what he was named and that in Indonesia, where Muskens spent eight years, priests used the word "Allah" while celebrating Mass.
Hmmmmm, OK, good one, but as usual, I have a slightly better idea.
(What, are you surprised by that? It’s what I do.)
I’d prefer to foster a better cultural understanding by having Christians and Jews, as well as Buddhists, agnostics, atheists, etc., adopt the Muslim habit of simply slaughtering both those who are different and those they disagree with.
As a for instance, say a Muslim complains about “racial profiling,” or some other such nonsense, well, in that case, we simply form a mob, drag him/her out into the middle of a very public place (a crowded park or a busy thoroughfare) and saw off their head in a very public spectacle, as an example to other Muslims not to rile up the local savages.
We could then move onto...oh, I don’t know, say instead of stoning adulterous women (we tend to like adulterous women in the West...we like’m a lot), maybe we'd stone women who wear the hijab to death.
See?
While I’m pretty damn sure that calling God, or Jesus, "Allah" wouldn’t mean shit to your average Muslime, stoning his hijab wearing wife or daughter to death certainly may grab his attention, at least in a kind of “Holy SHIITE, look what these crazy Christian muthafuckas is up to now,” kind of way.
Seriously, the problem with Bishop Muskens’ idea is that it’s timid and weak, besides, it literally wreaks of rancid appeasement.
Mine, on the other hand, says “Hello Muslim son-of-bitch-bastard, and how are you today? I hope you are well and sufficiently fattened Muslim, because today I’m going to slaughter you and feed your lifeless carcass to my hungry dogs.”
Now you tell me, which one fosters better interfaith, inter-cultural understanding?
Well, I know I’m biased in all this, but I truly believe that mine does.
WHY?
HOW?
Easy, see mine actually puts Westerners in the mindset of a rabid Muslim. And what could possibly generate more inter-faith, inter-cultural understanding than that?!
Think about it!
No, really, just think about it...and you’ll see that I’m right about this.
Not only that, but the Muslims, who tend to view kindness as weakness and any kind of appeasement as an even more disgusting form of weakness, would come away from the ordeal I set out with a new found respect/fear of the Westerner.
It’s a God-damned WIN-WIN!!!
Ooooops! Sorry bout the blasphemin’ Bishop.
