Thursday, May 14, 2015

Can Yours Truly Save Sharia Law???

Image result for public stoning
A public stoning under Sharia Law

THIS is an interesting and very accurate video on some of the basic tenets of Sharia Law that most Westerners seem blissfully unaware of (

For the record, although I'm completely irreligious, I am NOT anti-religion.

In fact, I INSIST upon the 1st Amendment protections that enable ALL religions to espouse 5,000 year old homosexuality is shameful, wrong and sinful. Millions of Americans have fought and proudly died to uphold that very FIRST and/or PRIMARY basic individual LIBERTY (a/k/a "freedom"), the freedom to believe and espouse whatever you believe in, no matter how "offensive," or "bigoted" others might find it.

Moreover, I very much like some of the very public and extremely draconian punishments meted out but by Sharia Law. I MOSTLY take issue with the way they're so obviously misapplied.

First, you don't stone adulterers to death. If you're alive ANYWHERE on earth today, you probably come from a long line of fornicating adulterers....just saying.

You don't condemn homosexuals to death. For one thing, it's pretty cowardly. Kind of like kicking sand in the face of the 90 pound weakling. I mean, I KNOW they can be annoying, but you can't just up and kill's NOT a crime. In fact, many "sins," aren't really crimes.

Sure, you can hate homosexuals if you want and you can even espouse "curing them" (good luck with that), BUT seriously, stoning gays and adulterers to death is cruel, unusual and pointless...AND it takes up too many valuable resources, like TIME and stones (yeah, I know, there are always a lot of rocks around), BUT with so much killiing that NEEDS to be done (murderers, rapists, pedophiles and other violent offenders)....well, we need all the TIME....& ROCKS we can get our hands on, plain and simple.

Now, I don't want to toot my own horn here....(Wait, what am I thinking, that's exactly what I'm doing here)....but I could GREATLY improve these very public and extremely draconian (not to mention gruesome) punishments...think the ending to Braveheart.

Did you notice the high entertainment values? The two midgets sword fighting with wooden swords, to kick things off? (HINT: Everyone loves midgets....they especially LOVE midgets doing whacky stuff, like sword fighting with wooden swords)....Anyway, that's the intro. It kind of sets a very festive mood.

Then you need an Emcee. Like they had that "Bishop" in can get ME...for the right price, of course. I look great in a mitre. I have the appropriate mix of levity and solemness....not a very easy act to pull off....AND I'm the consumate showman....kind of like "the James Brown of public executions."

I'm telling you, with me onboard, your public executions (SOLELY for murderers, rapists, pedophiles, and other violent offenders) could be the envy of the entire globe!

I even have a ready made slogan, "WHY waste your time trying and continually faling to rehabilitate these violent cretins....when you can just go all Ballywood and create a fun filled event for the entire family?"

Now I know...I KNOW this is a BIG departure from traditional Sharia.

YOU: No more stoning gays?!

ME: Nope.

YOU: No more covering female adulterers in a sheet and stoning them to death?!

ME: Ditto....NOPE.

YOU: What about apostates?....You HAVE to give us apostates.

ME: No way! We're ALL apostates under the skin. Look I KNOW that your praying 5 times a day is complete bullshit, because I only had to go to Church and pray ONCE a WEEK...and I spent that entire hour daydreaming! Come to think of it, they WERE some pretty awesome daydreams....mostly what I now call "Elmer J. Fudd MIllionaire" daydreams. You know, "I'm Elmer J. Fudd millionaire, I own a mansion and a yacht," that kind of thing. I'm positive that most of you do the SAME exact thing.....OR you're either lying...or you're just a HUGE dick......So, NO, to killing apostates too.

Look, you'll get used to this in no time. Instead of wondering about your own cute little homo-erotic urges (will anyone find out...and stone me?), you'll be able to fully enjoy some guilt-free public executions...of murderers, violent rapists, pedophiles, etc. NONE of us can relate to any of that (Come on...I didn't get a nod and a harumph outta you, yet....You know who you are).

Look, it's ALL upside from here....AND it's a win-win! You get a much improved spectacle that you'd be proud to show off to the world, I'd get to play the part of that sanctimonious, villainous Bishop from Braveheart (I was born to play the villain part anyway)....AND you get BETTER public spectacles...(We could serve hot dogs...ALL BEEF, of swine and soda pop instead of alcohol...WoW! This really IS going to be a challenge!)...a BETTER product and much improved standing in the world!

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