Sunday, August 16, 2015

The "Ex card" - I Wish Them the Best....BUT This Idea Didn't Work Out Too Well for Me...

My Ex-Cards

Just heard this talked about by Curtis Sliwa...the "Ex Card" (

Not so funny story, I tried filling this niche a few tears ago, but failed miserably. I've never been divorced, so I probably didn't come at the project with the right temperament....PLUS my own "sense of humor" (such as it is) is, at best, an acquired taste.

Now, I'll readily admit that my offerings were, to be charitable, a little raw around the edges, like;

OUTSIDE: Hey it's Your Birthday!...



OUTSIDE: It's 10 pm and I just remembered it's your birthday...

INSIDE: ...Thanks a lot for creeping out my night...


OUTSIDE: I was just thinking of you...

INSIDE: ...And then I threw up in the back of my mouth...AGAIN.


OUTSIDE: Hey! Isn't today our Anniversary?...

INSIDE: Thanks for ruining my life ya filthy animal.


OUTSIDE: Get well soon...

INSIDE: ...Or die quickly. I really don't care which.

or my Valentine's Day card;

OUTSIDE: Happy Valentine's Day!

INSIDE: Yes! I'm kidding, of course! I STILL hate your guts.
On a rare occasion, I'd even wax poetic;

OUTSIDE: How many times have I called you a spark plug?

INSIDE: I meant butt plug!


OUTSIDE: I had a blissful dream last night...

INSIDE: ...That you were dead.

I know it was a tease,

So tell me you're still alive...

...and ruin everything.

AND on very rare occasions, I got a bit religious, like the one with a picture....well, actually a drawing, of Jesus standing on a cloud, on the front of the card, with the caption "Jesus loves you!"...

And on the inside, "But everyone else we know thinks your an asshole!"
Yeah, I thought I'd stumbled upon a real gold mine, these beauties were appropriate, or at least equally inappropriate for either spouse...but no such luck. At least not for me.

I think I sold a total of like nine over four years, including the four I sold to a rather mean-spirited and morbidly obese woman who began stalking me shortly thereafter. I'll tell you, there wasn't much at all funny about that.

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