Chimps join the arms race...

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"Researchers" (not quite real scientists, but close) claim that some chimps in Senegal have taken to using "spears" (a/k/a "pointed sticks") to hunt prey - "bush babies," smaller primates that are apparently a food source to some carnivorous chimps.

OK, so let me get this straight, a researcher sees a monkey hurl what amounts to a tree branch and gasps, "My stars, why these monkeys are only a half step away from space travel and a step away from monkey MTV!?"

Sorry, but I just don't get it!

I mean the same day this report comes out, poor Dennis Kucinich throws a pointed stick and people yell, "Hey! Grab the retard who threw that pointed stick and hit the old lady!"

Life's just so damn unfair.

At any rate, at least Dennis Kucinich seems as pissed off as I am about this terrible double standard, at least it would seem that way, judging from his letter of apology;

"While I deeply regret that my homemade javelin hit Mrs. Agnes T. Pritchard, it remains my contention that Mrs. Pritchard bears at least some of the responsibility for this incident. I mean it's not as if she couldn't have shuffled her walker over another six inches to avoid my missile.

"Moreover, I'm even more troubled that earlier that same day, a group of scientists fawned over a couple of chimps for hurling what amounted to a pointed stick, while when I do the very same thing, albeit with a lot more sophisticated "fashioning," I get no praise at all. Instead I'm labeled "A menace to little old ladies everywhere."

"So, why the double standard?

"What's with all this monkey love?

"I'm not cute and cuddly enough?

"I don't babble incoherantly in as lovable a way?

"I just think we all need to take a big step back and a big deep breath and reorder our priorities a little.

"And to Mrs. Agnes T. Pritchard, I am really very sorry about striking you. Suffice to say, I should've aimed better and you should've ducked better. Let's just leave it at that."

Sincerely,

Dennis Kucinich



OK, that's certainly chimpy enough for me.

That cute little bastard!

How can you stay mad at Dennis Kucinich....well...unless he's throwing feces, but that's just common sense.

Still, spear-chucking monkeys. Who'd have thunk it???

Well, I for one, am NOT the least bit afraid. I mean we still have guns right? So it's not like this is the beginning of Planet of the Apes or anything.

I'm not gonna worry at least until they come up with some kind of bad-assed monkey bow & arrow.


http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2007/02/070222-chimps-spears.html


http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/02/23/ap/tech/mainD8NF6BTG0.shtml